LET'S BREAK UP!
«These spoons are the inheritance of my granny and I will be taking them to myself, no matter what…. Nope, I am not giving up on the telly, I bought it for my salary!» An endless sharing of assets and setting the record straight, throwing mud at each other, and emotion driven statements are often part of the bitter ending ceremony of many break ups. The once upon a time “We are meant for each other…”, shared feelings, and butterflies in the stomach are by then long forgotten. Based on the very same pattern often start (as well as finish) also the professional love stories where we assume, believe, and hope from each other a lot. And during which we over and over again allow our professional loved up feeling take us over – and capture also our mind. When entering into a professional relationship, are we sure that we really are on the same level, share the same values, ethical principles, vision, and understanding of co-operation? Or do we tend to put the other person on a golden pedestal instead? It is how it is. Even when everything has been done by the book, then it may still sometimes happen that the professional marriage needs to be divorced. True, it is also possible to go for a ethical divorce – of course, in this case then assuming that this involves two ethical, soon to be exes (co-operation partners).
Me vs us
Partnership in the most simple terms means “together” and “we”. And definitely by no means “me” and “on my own” since then it is highly recommended to consider the status of private entrepreneurship. This does not mean at all that one way of doing business is “black” and the other one “white”. This just varies dependent on our own individual personality, expectations, and goals. When there is too much of the attitude of “I myself do-am-decide” , then co-operation on a basis of equal partnership doesn’t seem like the most reasonable option to go for.
Yet it is essential to step into any kind of partnership with one’s eyes wide open, so that one has a clear understanding why, how, and with whom you get tied to:
What could be the potential reasons of a break up? The main ones of them or –GOSH WHAT A HORROR!- all the ones mentioned below existing together may be classified as sufficient to put an end to such an association.
Here they are:
“Wait, I should share it with you? Why, I wonder?!”
A functioning co-operation is based on open and honest sharing of information. The very moment when one party starts to make suspicious deals behind the other one’s back, refuses to share information for no obvious reasons, muddles, and responds to relevant enquiries with emotional blowouts, it is totally justified to ask: “What is going on?”. In an honest and open communication where the foundation of the partnership is “we are in it together and make decisions together”, there is no room for muddling or hiding. Therefore, don’t make any discounts nor get involved in emotional manipulations, where yet another of your enquiries gets a response of “Why you need it? Don’t you trust me?”. Trust must be earned: when there is none, there is also no co-operation or partnership.
“Trusted, but now…”
When one’s trust has been breached based on concrete factual evidence, then it is difficult to glue it back together again. I am not saying it is completely impossible, and as an eternal optimist I am encouraging you to try, but be ready to face the truth after second-third-fourth time since there is a likelihood (a very big likelihood actually!) that the leopard will not change its spots. There is no point in carrying on stretching the rubber band – just cut the umbilical cord!
“What happened to our shared values?”
Our principles and beliefs may change in time, whilst values are the ones that define us as human beings – these are permanent, create our behavior, and influence personal decisions. When one’s value is honesty, but the other party does not consider it as their “second skin”, then do us a favor, save us both, and go separate ways – fast!
However, if your essential values are the same, then there will not rise fundamental questions such as: “But why did not they tell me the truth?”. Ethics or morality that helps us to distinguish the good from the bad, yellow from blue seems like something simple and universal. But be aware of possibly making a huge mistake – never assume it! Besides the fact that someone may see yellow as orange or even purple, then we may also not have the same understanding of the Bible’s 10 commandments.
“Let’s first eat John’s candies…”
When the agreed upon partnership is based on equality and this is how it has been formalized also in the eye of law, then all "the candies" must get also eaten equally. In ethical business and mutually respectful partnership, there never comes a moment when Tom is more than happy to feast on John’s candies, however tucks his own ones away to his cheek and/or pocket. Although everything connected with money is humanely emotive, it is important to remain honest and fair –always!-, and this means also when breaking up.
“We are together in this boat – until the end?”
And this is exactly how it is: as equal partners we make decisions together, discuss all matters together, celebrate success together, and also brainstorm together. Even when it is clear that co-operation in its traditional sense is no longer reasonable or viable, then preserve your dignity until the end and treat also the other person with respect. Climb out of the boat so that you can still face the other person as well as feel comfortable when remaining alone with your conscious in the night darkness.
“I have a new eye candy…besides my current partner”
In the business context (at least in Estonia), polygamy is taboo at least as long as you have not informed your partner of it, and when secretly launching a new business in the very same field (whilst still being committed to your "old lover"), then this is not only unethical, but also illegal. Exactly like in the case of any other relationship, then preserve your integrity, be legal in your activity, and finish one before starting another. Think of yourself as your very own brand and how you want to be seen by others as well as yourself.
Death do us part NOT – Hallelujah!
Although I must admit that generally being a fairly traditional individual in my outlook on life and “until death do us part” works like a wonder balm on my soul, then I am more than happy that (especially whilst considering nowadays life) this mentality stays in the slightly puritan-like past. Hence – salute the modern society that does not force us to stay married to someone for our long life. What could possibly be bad about us being happier when we are not together? Absolutely nothing at all! Divorcing can also be a blessing, hence celebrate it accordingly! And you can always diplomatically cite in the divorce papers to “irreconcilable differences”, also in business.
Article published in Estonian under the title of "Lähme lahku!" in a leadership magazine Director (June 2016).
Me vs us
Partnership in the most simple terms means “together” and “we”. And definitely by no means “me” and “on my own” since then it is highly recommended to consider the status of private entrepreneurship. This does not mean at all that one way of doing business is “black” and the other one “white”. This just varies dependent on our own individual personality, expectations, and goals. When there is too much of the attitude of “I myself do-am-decide” , then co-operation on a basis of equal partnership doesn’t seem like the most reasonable option to go for.
Yet it is essential to step into any kind of partnership with one’s eyes wide open, so that one has a clear understanding why, how, and with whom you get tied to:
- Is this very person really the most right one to move forward with?
- Do we really share the same vision?
- Do we share the same values and ethical principles?
- Do we both share the idea of an open, transparent, and honest co-operation?
What could be the potential reasons of a break up? The main ones of them or –GOSH WHAT A HORROR!- all the ones mentioned below existing together may be classified as sufficient to put an end to such an association.
Here they are:
“Wait, I should share it with you? Why, I wonder?!”
A functioning co-operation is based on open and honest sharing of information. The very moment when one party starts to make suspicious deals behind the other one’s back, refuses to share information for no obvious reasons, muddles, and responds to relevant enquiries with emotional blowouts, it is totally justified to ask: “What is going on?”. In an honest and open communication where the foundation of the partnership is “we are in it together and make decisions together”, there is no room for muddling or hiding. Therefore, don’t make any discounts nor get involved in emotional manipulations, where yet another of your enquiries gets a response of “Why you need it? Don’t you trust me?”. Trust must be earned: when there is none, there is also no co-operation or partnership.
“Trusted, but now…”
When one’s trust has been breached based on concrete factual evidence, then it is difficult to glue it back together again. I am not saying it is completely impossible, and as an eternal optimist I am encouraging you to try, but be ready to face the truth after second-third-fourth time since there is a likelihood (a very big likelihood actually!) that the leopard will not change its spots. There is no point in carrying on stretching the rubber band – just cut the umbilical cord!
“What happened to our shared values?”
Our principles and beliefs may change in time, whilst values are the ones that define us as human beings – these are permanent, create our behavior, and influence personal decisions. When one’s value is honesty, but the other party does not consider it as their “second skin”, then do us a favor, save us both, and go separate ways – fast!
However, if your essential values are the same, then there will not rise fundamental questions such as: “But why did not they tell me the truth?”. Ethics or morality that helps us to distinguish the good from the bad, yellow from blue seems like something simple and universal. But be aware of possibly making a huge mistake – never assume it! Besides the fact that someone may see yellow as orange or even purple, then we may also not have the same understanding of the Bible’s 10 commandments.
“Let’s first eat John’s candies…”
When the agreed upon partnership is based on equality and this is how it has been formalized also in the eye of law, then all "the candies" must get also eaten equally. In ethical business and mutually respectful partnership, there never comes a moment when Tom is more than happy to feast on John’s candies, however tucks his own ones away to his cheek and/or pocket. Although everything connected with money is humanely emotive, it is important to remain honest and fair –always!-, and this means also when breaking up.
“We are together in this boat – until the end?”
And this is exactly how it is: as equal partners we make decisions together, discuss all matters together, celebrate success together, and also brainstorm together. Even when it is clear that co-operation in its traditional sense is no longer reasonable or viable, then preserve your dignity until the end and treat also the other person with respect. Climb out of the boat so that you can still face the other person as well as feel comfortable when remaining alone with your conscious in the night darkness.
“I have a new eye candy…besides my current partner”
In the business context (at least in Estonia), polygamy is taboo at least as long as you have not informed your partner of it, and when secretly launching a new business in the very same field (whilst still being committed to your "old lover"), then this is not only unethical, but also illegal. Exactly like in the case of any other relationship, then preserve your integrity, be legal in your activity, and finish one before starting another. Think of yourself as your very own brand and how you want to be seen by others as well as yourself.
Death do us part NOT – Hallelujah!
Although I must admit that generally being a fairly traditional individual in my outlook on life and “until death do us part” works like a wonder balm on my soul, then I am more than happy that (especially whilst considering nowadays life) this mentality stays in the slightly puritan-like past. Hence – salute the modern society that does not force us to stay married to someone for our long life. What could possibly be bad about us being happier when we are not together? Absolutely nothing at all! Divorcing can also be a blessing, hence celebrate it accordingly! And you can always diplomatically cite in the divorce papers to “irreconcilable differences”, also in business.
Article published in Estonian under the title of "Lähme lahku!" in a leadership magazine Director (June 2016).
